One year later

Adam and Lil (with curls in back) celebrating Lil's clean scan and Adam's first week attending

One year ago tomorrow (or today depending on how you look at it) Hodgkin's Lymphoma turned my world upside down. This one year anniversary was kind of a momentous day: 1. I finally shed my wig for good and 2. I finally found out why my arm was still bothering me. First the arm. The docs finally referred me to a physical therapist whom I went to see today at the Brigham. She is a very nice woman who specializes in cancer patients and had previously worked at Sloan Kettering. She looked at my arm, stretched and rotated it around, measured it and told me that it is 2" bigger around than the other one! Apparently, this is a small amount - a 1 on a scale of 1-10, but I was still impressed. She said it was still swollen due to some remaining lymphedemia. She also said that with 5 continuous days of therapy (manual massage) she can "drain" it and then give me some exercises to improve my range of motion. I was so glad to learn that it wasn't anything worse AND that she thinks she can make it better!

This one year point seemed like a fitting day to shed my wig. I was out of the office the week before Labor Day, so people hadn't seen me in a little while. The day after Labor Day kind of seems like New Year's in a lot of ways, and maybe that's a better way to look at it than the anniversary of such a terrible day last year....certainly it's a time when many people have back to school hair cuts. While it may seem ridiculous, I was dreading going wigless for so long because I just didn't want people to ask me why I cut my hair - especially since it had been looking SO perfect every day. I never wanted to really lay the harsh reality on well intentioned people that "well actually all my hair fell out when I went through 6 months of chemotherapy." While I didn't want to tell the whole truth, I also didn't think it was fair to myself to lie and say that I cut it - I certainly never chose this hairdo! So I finally just decided to say something vague like, "it's a long story" or "it really wasn't my choice", or "well, yes it's a big change"... In reality, it wasn't that bad. People commented of course, but they were nice about it and didn't go on and on. I work mostly with men and most of them didn't even seem to notice - they're either really oblivious or really smart...I'm not sure which. It's surprising how much this upsets me still. I think it's just a reminder of all that has happened. But now it's on with a new year when my arm will shrink more and my hair will grow more and this year will certainly be better than last!